February…what are you for? (Flowers, pancakes, and sloths as it turns out)

So i’m inside the house on a lazy Monday afternoon. And, I must admit, i’m feeling a little sorry for myself; I’ve just burnt my finger on the oven trying to make a fish finger sandwich. I’ve had to wrap damp kitchen roll round the burn like some kind of limp, soggy finger puppet. It’s quite disturbing.

I should be at university today, and i’m not, so perhaps this latest assault from my kitchen appliance was karma from the educational system. The truth is I don’t know why I haven’t gone in.
I don’t feel ill.
I don’t feel tired.
I just feel a bit…
Meh.

I’m looking up through my window…and it’s all just grey. The sky is one big steely cloud glaring down. ‘I could snow’ it taunts ‘but I can’t be arsed.’ Even the climate is ‘meh’.

So is it just that time of year? After all, what really happens in February?

Pancake day…that’s quite good. That’s something to look forward to.
‘Lets take all the fat and sugar and other assorted yummy stuff in our cupboards and eat it all yaaaaaaaay!’. I know in times gone by it was supposed to be a pre-empting binge to lent’s relentless purge but, that seems to have disappeared in our house. We just like to omnomnom.
I wonder why we don’t have pancakes any other time of year. They’re perfectly nice after all. It’s like turkey, crème eggs, and the ultimate seasonal snack – piggies in blankets! They’re around for a few weeks then disappear, forgotten for another year. Why can’t yucky things be relegated to 2 weeks of the year instead, like courgettes or something?

Then there’s Valentine’s day…

Everyone went berserk on the old social media this Valentine’s day! I couldn’t avoid posts like ‘Aww best day with ma bbz luv ya bby gyal’ or ‘wil b wiv ma bb boi 4 lyfey’. In my opinion, if you were so in love, you would at least have the decency to refer to your ‘bby gyal’ with correct spelling and grammar.
My name only contains 4 letters, and my dad still addresses my texts to ‘Fa’. Apparently his only child doesn’t deserve letters ‘Y’ and ‘E’. That really gets my goat! Or as my dad might say, ‘that rall gts m goat’

One girl practically told the whole of the internet she was going to be fornicating! That’s not on is it?
I’m all for a good bonk, honestly, but do you really want your extended family to know it’s not only rose petals he’s laying on that bed?

Speaking of rose petals, there were plenty of traumatised looking young men wandering round Huddersfield, trying to protect their Tesco value bouquets from the sleet and hail. Lilys and carnations bowed their heads, bent double under the wrath of the furious February winds. I imagine some women just received a bunch of stems.
Flowers are a bit of an odd gift though aren’t they? They’re pretty for a week and then they die. That’s a tad macabre.

I think a cuddle would be an ideal valentines gift.

Which is why I think my perfect valentine date would be a sloth.
Now, hear me out on this one! The three toed sloth loves climbing, cuddling, and, most importantly, hibiscus flowers – also known as ‘sloth chocolate’. Meaning for a gift you could cover flowers and chocolates in one go! So easily pleased.
The world land speed record for a sloth is 1.5m/s – so if he tried to run away, (which men occasionally do from me, I have no idea why!) you could just pick him up and snuggle him again.
They can’t argue with you. They only make little squeaky noises. D’aww :’)
And sometimes, sloths fall out of trees, because they try to grab their own arms thinking it’s a tree branch. How do you get cuter than that?!

Who would your ideal valentines date be and why? Answers on a postcard ;D (comments box)

Peace and love
Faye

And Sloth Queen Buttercup